Homesick

We've all been feeling a little homesick lately. We've been living in the Bentley House (as we call it) since June, and it's really been wonderful. It's a great old house with lots of room and character, and it's closer to school, which has been a real blessing to the chronically late Istres.

But lately, I think we've all been missing our little refuge on Leatherwood Creek. Construction is really starting to pick up on the addition now, and Eric and the boys got a real shock when they went over to feed Pepper (our cat) yesterday:  The house has been almost completely gutted!

Eric took lots of pictures (I'll try to figure out how to post them soon!) and the boys apparently were having a lot of fun weaving in and out of all the studs and generally playing in the mess.

I noticed at church last night that Eli wasn't himself, but I couldn't figure out what it was. He was really uncooperative and obstinate. He didn't want to be comforted or touched. He was obviously angry, but I couldn't get to the source of it.

After church, Eric pulled out the camera and started to show me all the pictures of the house carnage. When I saw the inside, my throat suddenly tightened and tears stung my eyes. It seems silly, but it was hard to see our home of ten years all torn up. I said, "Oh my goodness, the house!" and glanced at Eli. His eyes were red and filled with tears, and his little lip quivered. In a flash, I realized what was bothering him: the poor little guy was grieving his home, the only home he'd ever known. He just didn't know how to say it.

I felt glad that the mystery had been solved, but my heart hurt for my little boy, who was mourning and couldn't see that there would be something good and new after the old had been torn down.

Fillings and crowns and root canals, oh my!

Well, I'm going to the dentist today and I am not at all happy about it. I have always had really good teeth, which is why it was so jolting to find out I need major dental work. Is this the first sign of impending middle age? Is the deterioration of my somewhat pearly whites just a harbinger of the trouble to come? Probably not. Most likely I've just neglected my teeth and the chickens are coming home to roost. 

Whatever, the fact is I have to have a filling, a crown, and a root canal today, and I wish I didn't.

Why we are adopting, part II

It was hard for me to believe we were actually walking into an adoption seminar. Just to get this far reflected answered prayers beyond anything I had experienced. It had taken many years to get to this point, but in His time, God had removed the barrier of income, so that now we did meet the financial requirements. He had created within both Eric and me a likemindedness to at least be open to the possibility. I was a happy woman.

Eric had said emphatically before we walked in that we wouldn't be signing anything, that we were just there to gather information and then we'd pray about it. That was fine with me. After all, it is a huge step! 

The seminar was great and really, it was more like a Bible study on how God views adoption. Plus at the end there were testimonies from other families in process and a sweet video featuring Stephen Curtis Chapman and his family.

The most important thing that I think both of us learned is that God does not view adoption as second best, or a last resort. It is just as valid in His eyes as a biological birth. In fact, we are His by adoption! This truth transformed my thinking about adoption in general, and my relationship to God specifically, and it is still being transformed day by day. The agency's motto is Romans 8:15: "For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, "Abba, Father."

At the end, we stood up to leave, and Eric hesitated just for a moment, then smiled and said, "Can we go ahead and sign up today?"

We didn't sign up right then, though. We waited a couple of weeks and sent in our application. Soon we were approved and we were officially on the roller coaster ride of adoption.

Because that's where she is

Why China? I can't really tell you the exact moment I felt God pulling me toward adoption; I just know that after Eli was born, I started thinking about it more and more. And I have had a heart for China since I was in high school, and whenever I thought of adoption, I saw the face of an Asian girl. I studied Chinese language, culture, and issues in high school and in college. I couldn't really tell you why, not then. I just loved the country's rich history and people. I had even made arrangements through my Chinese teacher to teach English for a year at an engineering school in Wuhan. Then came the Tiananmen Square uprising, and I backed out. But I still felt a connection to China.

When I was first seriously thinking of adopting from China, I got some information from a couple of agencies. My heart sank as I read the income requirements. We weren't even close. And at the time, there seemed to be no way we'd ever qualify. I remember praying, "Well, God, You will sure get the glory if we ever do adopt, because there's no way we'll ever be able to do it unless You arrange it!"

Maybe China wasn't for us, I thought. I researched the other programs and tried to talk myself into choosing other countries. I just couldn't do it. My heart was in China, and I realized my child was, too.

We've had a lot of questions from others about why China. Why not here in the U.S., where so many children wait for families? Or why not another country? Originally, we would have a long answer about how God calls different people to different places, and how each one has to determine God's will for their family. We still believe that to be true; we've seen it firsthand.

But now, instead of a theological answer to the question, we just smile and say, 

"Because that's where she is."

Why we are adopting, part I

First, let me share why we are not adopting. We are not adopting to rescue a child; we are not adopting to fulfill a missionary vision; we are not adopting so we can "finally" have a girl. We are adopting because God has revealed to us by His grace that we have a daughter, and she is in China. 

I admit that I have had adoption in my heart a lot longer than has Eric; we had even talked about it many times over the years. I was convinced from the time Eli was a baby, but the Lord had not yet made it so clear to Eric. There were financial roadblocks aplenty, the boys were all getting big enough so that the physical parenting was not so taxing. We were at a good place in our lives. But at times, for me, the desire to have this child was almost more than I could stand. But I was really powerless to change anything. So I prayed. I prayed for God to take away my desire if it was not to be. I prayed for him to reveal His will to Eric. The only response I ever heard was, "Just wait. Let Me handle it. Don't give up." 

So many times I almost did give up; I would almost convince myself that I must be making up these feelings, that it wasn't from God, but just me wanting it to be. Every time I would get to the end of my rope, though, God was there, telling me calmly and gently, "Tie a knot and hang on."

Then, seemingly out of the blue, in April 2007, Eric asked the boys one night, "What would you guys think if we adopted a child?"  The boys were enthusiastic, and I was almost speechless. "Where did that come from?" I asked. "I don't know. Just something I've been thinking about lately," he answered. 

Two weeks later, we sat in an adoption seminar, getting a glimpse of our new world.

First day of school

Well, the backpacks have been selected and filled with supplies, wardrobes have been updated, paradigms have shifted. Another year has fallen and a new one taken flight. The first day of the new school year is a weird mixture of excitement and fear (and that's just counting me!). Jacob is in the sixth grade . . . middle school. Really, already? 

Just seems like yesterday he was reading the word "FORD" off the tailgate of a truck we followed on our way home from Mississippi. He was just three then, and now, going on twelve. Luke is nine and barreling into fourth grade. Shouldn't he still be in Mrs. Davis's first grade class? And Eli, so soon one of the "big kids" at his school (second grade), did he graduate from day school already? Oh, yes, I remember. He said of his graduation day: "I've been waiting for this day all my life!" 

I have, too. Knowing these milestone days are coming don't make them any easier to take when you realize you're actually living them, when your babies are growing up like sunflowers, tall, strong, and happy. But strangely, these are not just reflective days, but exciting days. No longer so sad because of who my boys used to be, but exciting because they are growing strong and proud, and because they are steadily growing into the men God has created them to be. I'm excited for them, and for me, too. What adventures lie ahead!

On many first days of school, I have pondered and mourned the days of babyhood so swiftly ended. This year, I'm not going to lament the moments that have passed. No "Oh where have my little babies gone?".  This year, I will revel in the life God has placed in our boys and in our family and seize the grace we have been given to live and love together.

Hmmm . . . I guess you don't have to go to school to learn something from it.

Welcome to our world

Welcome to World Istre--all about our crazy clan of 5-soon-to-be-6. Since we are notoriously horrible about sending cards, making phone calls, and generally keeping in touch with friends and family, our hope is that this blog will help us keep everyone updated on all the things happening in our little corner of the world.