End of the Year Ramblin's

Merry Christmas to all! Whew, what a whirlwind for the past few weeks! It has been a bit of an odd time around the Istre household, but only a little odder than usual. :) I found out at the end of November that my employer could no longer meet payroll, so I've joined the others who are looking for new work. It has been nice to be able to spend more time with my family around this time, though. I was able to go to the boys' school parties and pick them up from school and bake cookies, etc. and not be stressed about work.

I have been thinking about a career change for a while anyway, not because I don't love my job, but because it's just tough to be all the places I have to be when I'm an hour away from home most of the time. So I'm looking into some other options and hopefully, something will come up at the first of the year.

It's been a difficult year in so many ways . . . losing my dad, still waiting and waiting for our girl to come home, losing a job . . . but still, the blessings outweigh the struggles. I'm thankful for everything I have, right down to the socks on my feet (borrowed from Jacob--yep, I can wear his shoes, too), and I hope you will take the time to be thankful for all the things in your life that bring joy. We are not promised an easy path, but we have a God who has promised to walk with us through it all.

I'm posting from my mom's computer, and so my updates will be few and far between until we have the internet again, but please feel free to leave a comment or send an email if you visit the site.

Oh, and the house is coming along, slowly but surely! Maybe I will be able to post some pics soon. The siding is up and so is the sheetrock, so hopefully we will be ready in a couple of months.

Happy 2009!

Not so good at this blogging thing

I've discovered I'm not very good at blogging. I messed up something and lost my nice background. So now my blog is back to being plain and boring. **sigh** 

Okay, this time there really are pics

This time I really do have pictures to post. I was trying to download about 500 pictures the other day and it was too slow, so I stopped, but accidentally published the post anyway. Here are the house pictures I promised:

They have now finished the connecting hallway between the house and garage, the roof is on everywhere, and the wiring is done. Next up is siding and insulating. We are thankful for the progress that has been made :)

Progress

Well, I'm finally posting and adding some pictures. I am just not in a good position to keep up with this blog daily as I would like to. The house is coming along just fine, although slower than our impatient, homesick hearts would like. We are thinking it will be another couple of months before it's done. But like a positive-thinking friend told me, it will be better to not have to move during the holidays. Well, until I post again, enjoy the pics of the old (new) homeplace!

Waiting

We are still waiting, waiting, waiting to get THE CALL from our adoption agency. I was sure it would come last month, and when it didn't, I was even more sure that it would come this month. But our heart's desires don't always match up with God's perfect will, and the call never came. It was so disappointing. We all ache to see her face and to call her by name. 

I told some friends that I know the waiting has been a refining event for me spiritually, but it is painful. I came across this quote from F. B. Meyer that sums it up:

What a chapter might be written of God's delays! It is the mystery of the art of educating human spirits to the finest temper of which they are capable. What searchings of heart, what analyzings of motives, what testings of the Word of God, what upliftings of soul. . . . all these are associated with those weary days of waiting, which are, nevertheless, big with spiritual destiny.

Do not worry

Mornings are crazy at our house. We have a system, it's just kind of chaotic. Jacob and Luke are pretty self-reliant when it comes to making sure they are ready for school, but Eli just marches to his own beat. He wants to be ready, but there are so many other things to think about and do! So I feel like I constantly have to remind him to do this and that. 

The other day, we were especially late, and I ended up getting pretty irritated with Eli, who instead of getting dressed had decided it would be a better use of his time to wander around the house. When I told him to get dressed NOW and gave a mini-lecture on how stressful it was to have to remind him of every little thing and that he was going to end up wearing his pajamas to school if he didn't get dressed immediately, he listened carefully, nodded his head, and turned to get his clothes. Then, without any hint of sarcasm, he said slowly and thoughtfully, "You know, Mom, I believe it was in Matthew where Jesus said we shouldn't worry about our clothes and stuff."

It was so unexpected I just started laughing. The kid had a point, and used Scripture to back himself up. I finally managed to say, "Well, I don't think Jesus was talking about getting ready for school in the mornings, but you're right, there's no use in getting too upset over clothes."

We made it to school in plenty of time.

Time Marches On

Well, we made it through the memorial service, and it truly was a time of joy and celebration, with little bits of sadness here and there. There was lots of music and a lot of funny stories, and so many friends and family! We truly felt loved in that moment. Not to mention humbled that so many took time out of their day to come.

But time truly stops for no man. And my dad wouldn't have wanted it to! And so now, we move forward, trying to catch up on everything that kept moving in regular motion while we were moving in slow motion. School, work, soccer, and on and on.

We're finding out what our new normal is, day by day. Luke said the other night, "Life will never be the same without Pa." I told him he was right. Then I said, "But there's still a lot of good life ahead of us, and we'll remember that when we feel sad for what it used to be like. It will take some time, but things will be okay." His eyes were teary, but he smiled.

He is free indeed

With hope-tinged sadness, I write these words. My dad, who battled a rare brain tumor for four years, passed from this life to the next in the early hours of Friday, September 26. He was 65. 

Even though we expected him to go home to the Lord in the next few months, it was still a shock that he was called away so soon. We are grieving, but not as those who have no hope. Through the grace and love of our Lord Jesus Christ, this is not the end.

It was my privilege to be with him and hold his hand as he passed, and today, he is free indeed.

Please continue to pray for our family in the coming days as we adjust to our new reality, especially my mother and my three boys, who loved their Pa dearly.

Our House Transformed!

I tried to find a picture of our "old" house, but will have to post one later. This is a little of what has been done so far. The most shocking to us was the gutting of the inside, but it's really exciting to see our dream take shape.

The best part is coming to the house and seeing things done that WE didn't have to fret over and figure out how to do!

Finally Friday

Hard to believe it's been more than a week since I posted. We've been busy with regular life stuff, and time just slips away. No wonder it's September already! Soccer starts this weekend, and Jacob and Luke are ready for another season. Jacob is hoping to make the middle school team in the spring, so this will be especially good for him. 

I'm still trying to find the cable for the camera so I can post some pics. The house is coming along great. I love the framing part of construction because your vision really starts to take shape. They should be putting up the second floor next week.

No word on adoption stuff lately. The wait is so hard. Just knowing your child is going to sleep and waking up in a place where you know she doesn't belong . . . well, it's just hard. We love her so much already, and she doesn't know there's another life waiting for her. Sigh. We are praying that the call comes soon and that we will finally see her face.

For now, I'm just glad it's finally Friday. :)

Homesick

We've all been feeling a little homesick lately. We've been living in the Bentley House (as we call it) since June, and it's really been wonderful. It's a great old house with lots of room and character, and it's closer to school, which has been a real blessing to the chronically late Istres.

But lately, I think we've all been missing our little refuge on Leatherwood Creek. Construction is really starting to pick up on the addition now, and Eric and the boys got a real shock when they went over to feed Pepper (our cat) yesterday:  The house has been almost completely gutted!

Eric took lots of pictures (I'll try to figure out how to post them soon!) and the boys apparently were having a lot of fun weaving in and out of all the studs and generally playing in the mess.

I noticed at church last night that Eli wasn't himself, but I couldn't figure out what it was. He was really uncooperative and obstinate. He didn't want to be comforted or touched. He was obviously angry, but I couldn't get to the source of it.

After church, Eric pulled out the camera and started to show me all the pictures of the house carnage. When I saw the inside, my throat suddenly tightened and tears stung my eyes. It seems silly, but it was hard to see our home of ten years all torn up. I said, "Oh my goodness, the house!" and glanced at Eli. His eyes were red and filled with tears, and his little lip quivered. In a flash, I realized what was bothering him: the poor little guy was grieving his home, the only home he'd ever known. He just didn't know how to say it.

I felt glad that the mystery had been solved, but my heart hurt for my little boy, who was mourning and couldn't see that there would be something good and new after the old had been torn down.

Fillings and crowns and root canals, oh my!

Well, I'm going to the dentist today and I am not at all happy about it. I have always had really good teeth, which is why it was so jolting to find out I need major dental work. Is this the first sign of impending middle age? Is the deterioration of my somewhat pearly whites just a harbinger of the trouble to come? Probably not. Most likely I've just neglected my teeth and the chickens are coming home to roost. 

Whatever, the fact is I have to have a filling, a crown, and a root canal today, and I wish I didn't.

Why we are adopting, part II

It was hard for me to believe we were actually walking into an adoption seminar. Just to get this far reflected answered prayers beyond anything I had experienced. It had taken many years to get to this point, but in His time, God had removed the barrier of income, so that now we did meet the financial requirements. He had created within both Eric and me a likemindedness to at least be open to the possibility. I was a happy woman.

Eric had said emphatically before we walked in that we wouldn't be signing anything, that we were just there to gather information and then we'd pray about it. That was fine with me. After all, it is a huge step! 

The seminar was great and really, it was more like a Bible study on how God views adoption. Plus at the end there were testimonies from other families in process and a sweet video featuring Stephen Curtis Chapman and his family.

The most important thing that I think both of us learned is that God does not view adoption as second best, or a last resort. It is just as valid in His eyes as a biological birth. In fact, we are His by adoption! This truth transformed my thinking about adoption in general, and my relationship to God specifically, and it is still being transformed day by day. The agency's motto is Romans 8:15: "For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, "Abba, Father."

At the end, we stood up to leave, and Eric hesitated just for a moment, then smiled and said, "Can we go ahead and sign up today?"

We didn't sign up right then, though. We waited a couple of weeks and sent in our application. Soon we were approved and we were officially on the roller coaster ride of adoption.

Because that's where she is

Why China? I can't really tell you the exact moment I felt God pulling me toward adoption; I just know that after Eli was born, I started thinking about it more and more. And I have had a heart for China since I was in high school, and whenever I thought of adoption, I saw the face of an Asian girl. I studied Chinese language, culture, and issues in high school and in college. I couldn't really tell you why, not then. I just loved the country's rich history and people. I had even made arrangements through my Chinese teacher to teach English for a year at an engineering school in Wuhan. Then came the Tiananmen Square uprising, and I backed out. But I still felt a connection to China.

When I was first seriously thinking of adopting from China, I got some information from a couple of agencies. My heart sank as I read the income requirements. We weren't even close. And at the time, there seemed to be no way we'd ever qualify. I remember praying, "Well, God, You will sure get the glory if we ever do adopt, because there's no way we'll ever be able to do it unless You arrange it!"

Maybe China wasn't for us, I thought. I researched the other programs and tried to talk myself into choosing other countries. I just couldn't do it. My heart was in China, and I realized my child was, too.

We've had a lot of questions from others about why China. Why not here in the U.S., where so many children wait for families? Or why not another country? Originally, we would have a long answer about how God calls different people to different places, and how each one has to determine God's will for their family. We still believe that to be true; we've seen it firsthand.

But now, instead of a theological answer to the question, we just smile and say, 

"Because that's where she is."

Why we are adopting, part I

First, let me share why we are not adopting. We are not adopting to rescue a child; we are not adopting to fulfill a missionary vision; we are not adopting so we can "finally" have a girl. We are adopting because God has revealed to us by His grace that we have a daughter, and she is in China. 

I admit that I have had adoption in my heart a lot longer than has Eric; we had even talked about it many times over the years. I was convinced from the time Eli was a baby, but the Lord had not yet made it so clear to Eric. There were financial roadblocks aplenty, the boys were all getting big enough so that the physical parenting was not so taxing. We were at a good place in our lives. But at times, for me, the desire to have this child was almost more than I could stand. But I was really powerless to change anything. So I prayed. I prayed for God to take away my desire if it was not to be. I prayed for him to reveal His will to Eric. The only response I ever heard was, "Just wait. Let Me handle it. Don't give up." 

So many times I almost did give up; I would almost convince myself that I must be making up these feelings, that it wasn't from God, but just me wanting it to be. Every time I would get to the end of my rope, though, God was there, telling me calmly and gently, "Tie a knot and hang on."

Then, seemingly out of the blue, in April 2007, Eric asked the boys one night, "What would you guys think if we adopted a child?"  The boys were enthusiastic, and I was almost speechless. "Where did that come from?" I asked. "I don't know. Just something I've been thinking about lately," he answered. 

Two weeks later, we sat in an adoption seminar, getting a glimpse of our new world.

First day of school

Well, the backpacks have been selected and filled with supplies, wardrobes have been updated, paradigms have shifted. Another year has fallen and a new one taken flight. The first day of the new school year is a weird mixture of excitement and fear (and that's just counting me!). Jacob is in the sixth grade . . . middle school. Really, already? 

Just seems like yesterday he was reading the word "FORD" off the tailgate of a truck we followed on our way home from Mississippi. He was just three then, and now, going on twelve. Luke is nine and barreling into fourth grade. Shouldn't he still be in Mrs. Davis's first grade class? And Eli, so soon one of the "big kids" at his school (second grade), did he graduate from day school already? Oh, yes, I remember. He said of his graduation day: "I've been waiting for this day all my life!" 

I have, too. Knowing these milestone days are coming don't make them any easier to take when you realize you're actually living them, when your babies are growing up like sunflowers, tall, strong, and happy. But strangely, these are not just reflective days, but exciting days. No longer so sad because of who my boys used to be, but exciting because they are growing strong and proud, and because they are steadily growing into the men God has created them to be. I'm excited for them, and for me, too. What adventures lie ahead!

On many first days of school, I have pondered and mourned the days of babyhood so swiftly ended. This year, I'm not going to lament the moments that have passed. No "Oh where have my little babies gone?".  This year, I will revel in the life God has placed in our boys and in our family and seize the grace we have been given to live and love together.

Hmmm . . . I guess you don't have to go to school to learn something from it.

Welcome to our world

Welcome to World Istre--all about our crazy clan of 5-soon-to-be-6. Since we are notoriously horrible about sending cards, making phone calls, and generally keeping in touch with friends and family, our hope is that this blog will help us keep everyone updated on all the things happening in our little corner of the world.